i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize