My hair reeks of homosexuality.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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