Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
