the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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