Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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