And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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