how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
