I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
