I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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