I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I AM VODKA MAN
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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