You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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