She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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