I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
