dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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