I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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