What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
