i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
