That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
