i barfeds in our rink
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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