She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
