Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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