Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
