i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
