look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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