I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
