Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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