Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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