Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
