Having a random hookup so left but love u
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
