Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
