She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
