I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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