it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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