I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
