Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
