I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
