I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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