In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
