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Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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