I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You've changed since you got that strap on
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
