you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
