i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Randomize
