yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
