how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
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