absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
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