I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
