i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
