Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i was born a porn star she said
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize