Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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