There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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