No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
