I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
