these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
