I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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