if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
