I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
