There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize