Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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