It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
