Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
