i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
