HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
