Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
