My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize