I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
