Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Randomize
