It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
